6/14/2021 - 6/20/2021
6/14/21
Man…
today was something of a rollercoaster i guess.
i woke up at 5:50am and was terrified I wasn’t going to be able to fall back asleep.
BUT I did!!! until 9am!! so that was roller coaster number one. crisis averted
i entered the day feeling physically great and successfully keeping most of the constant channel of negative thoughts iv’e been experiencing at bay. but once 4:30 or so hit, i wanted to cry. so, i tied up the work i was doing until about 5:15 and went for a walk while calling my mom. i hadn’t actually told her what was all going on yet. i guess that helped? hard to say. i was still so sad.
I ended up doing yoga then which helped. after that, i worked on tunes. this one song called “shook & tattered up” is very full. it’s pretty much finished, entirely, once I lay final performances and mix it. kinda weird i already have a totally finished song.
i’ve been really into that song i came up with last week called ‘stalker’. (maybe)… it’s emotionally really hitting right now, it kind of feels like the only thing i can listen to to feel understood. making music has always been about that for me.
i worked on that a bunch and added some bells and mild production to it - i’m really wanting to be reserved and kind of just let it be this weird small interlude for now.
i’m excited for a new album. it’s coming together.
6/15/21
today was so full of music. let me see what all happened…
sal and i started programming the spd-sx (drum pad) so that aaron can play samples during the shows in addition to the drumset. Then, i had a call with aaron about new songs. i was so pumped that he pretty much signed off on everything and agreed that a lot of what i was working on was ‘done’ and could move on into the “finishing” phase.
this was huge for me, i’m pretty sure that means i have 4 songs that i can start to wrap up definitively, which is nearly half an album. stoked to the max.
then i reconvened with sal to keep moving on the spd-sx programming, and we finished it all. then we started talking about all the gear we’d need to finish up the tracks rig and just have a baller live sound.
it got the gears turning so much for me! my mind is spinning with countless ways to pull off amazing shows now.
i sent an email to the live band to get the first rehearsal on the board for august.
there are days where i wonder if i’ll keep doing music forever or when this will start to feel stupid. today was the entire opposite of that.
and, i don’t think i really thought about my ex all night throughout all of the work i was doing. good signs.
6/16/21
Well, today was mostly about changing around printerville. haha. so there wasn’t too much music made/worked on.
i did pack up about 17 orders and put them in the post, though. every time i go to the post office, i drive by my ex’s house. know what, though? i intentionally take just a few extra turns to ensure i pass by her house directly. it all makes me super stressed and nervous. it’s not good for me, but i don’t know why i feel so compelled to do that.
it’s kind of like a car crash where you can’t turn away, maybe.
the overall point is that i have a therapist now to look into these quirks, and the next appointment is tomorrow morning.
i won’t be working on music tomorrow since i’ll be going to see a friend on tour with some other friends…that will be nice.
hope everyone is well <3
6/17/21
today my friend is on tour and coming through town at yee-haw brewing. it’s this half indoor half outdoor venue where there’s like cornhole and foodtrucks and whatevs.
conscious thought i had today was that it felt like a big ass relief to be doing something aggressively normal. it actually sounds so good to just submit to the normal nashville experience and go drink two beers at some new upcharging brewery place.
and ya know what??? it was great fun. it’s taken me a long time to grow out of my ‘kid in the corner with his arms crossed’ phase but i’m glad i did. and, i’m still that person in times when it’s crucial (i guess).
my therapist said i am probably going through grief and not trauma (or maybe there’s small bits of trauma embedded). it makes sense to me.
also the good weird vinyl test pressings shipped.
6/18/21
god.
today was so fun.
i went to the basement (one of my favorite venues) because pet envy and future crib were playing (amongst others). they have this concert series out back every friday and i can walk down the street to get there. kind of a dream honestly, pumped to do it all summer.
after that i went to michael’s house and we played worms 3d, ate indian food, smoked cigars, and played guitar hero
i think the test pressings come tomorrow. i can’t wait to just make music all day.
6/19/21
well today i woke up too early (not by design) which is always a bad start…but it’s saturday and i didn’t have to do yoga, so i didn’t let it get me down too bad.
i dug into this song called ‘mechanical heartbeat’ which i’m reallllly liking and is almost done. i’m not QUITE ready to share it, even here, but i’ve yet to share an export this week so maybs tomorrow i’ll have something ;)
that aside…THE TEST PRESSINGS CAME IN!!! so i listened to one. and wow. it sounds so good. i’m so very satisfied with the pressing. come monday i will approve them so they can begin manufacturing the whole run. insanity!!! my music is finally on vinyl, wtf.
after that, i walked with my friend mick to get food for him (and a very rare soda for me).
michael came over and we got thai food before heading to a bonfire with a ton of new friends. it was a good time for sure.
excited to sleep tonight. pumped on the test pressings.
6/20/2021
i did so. much. work. today.
it felt so good. this is what it felt like to be 18 year old me, when all i was doing during math class was sketching out different live rigs in my notebook instead of paying attention.
i’ve honestly been wondering where this feeling went (or if it ever left). i love having an intense sense of purpose with music and today felt like it.
I have 5 songs that are entirely written and are just ready to be produced and mixed properly. that is crazily motivating!! halfway to an album, at least - and i have other song ideas cooking.
i must have put tracks on like 4 songs today. i worked for so many hours!!
i present to you an early version of ‘mechanical heartbeat’…definitely not mixed and final vocals pending - but the verses feel VERY nice