9/6/2021 - 9/12/2021
9/6/21
today was rough in a not that bad way?
it’s labor day. my two friends came over to check out the house more and also go to target with me. got a desk and chair for every day work that’s in my living room. put it together while listening to more Why?. Took a while
beed sad as hell all day today. in building that new desk, i was able to move a folding table into the studio and set up a little area for fufilling merch orders. feels great.
my friend graci sent me some of her new songs (produced by aaron) and they made me cry on my floor. then it just kept rolling as i put on pet sounds
ended up making some rice. idk
9/7/2021
today we had quite a good band practice. we’re def ready for the show, i just have a bunch of back end stuff to work out in terms of gear, computers, checklists, cables, blah blah blah. Gotta make sure i’m totally good.
also, gotta make sure my guitarist gets a negative COVID test…or else we can’t play
hope that happens. anyhow, it was inspiring. at first this show was making me nervous, but now I’m seeing it as this moment where i can finally blow off some steam. forgot what that was about. i’ve not been super well lately - it’s something i’m sure will pass and it’s something i working through musically, but it just irritates.
started to write a song tonight and got somewhere alright.
9/8/2021
9/9/2021
I’ll go, I’ll be the one to leave
I’ll rouse a shoulder, flash an awkward grimaced smile then turn
& shuffle off down a trail away from the scene
And you’ll feel genuine goodness for me
I’ll be tabbed off as a brief yet happy sliver
In your life
it’s me, I’ll go
I’ll be the one to leave
I’ll take this stoner gaze and gaunt sulk
And burrow into pale shadow
When I return, i’ll seem sturdy and of knowledge
Yet be chipped away and reduced
I’m fine, I’m better than ever
It’s obvious to all
Don’t mind me - my ribs cage nothing
Worth checking into
9/10/2021
tonight i had michael and graci and “Crate” (s’what we call him) over for a beta test housewarming party, i guess you could call it. i don’t have a dining room table and chairs yet so we literally sat on the floor. but, i did get my couch in! so we were able to chill there.
just listened to music, had wine and pasta and talked the night away.
lotta laughs and smiles, those people all together always feels incessantly good the whole time. i gotta remember that feeling and register the people that engender that for me.
graci and michael and myself all played new songs for each other. such a vulnerable, high-stakes thing to do - at least it feels like.
it made me think about being an artist a lot. we have this weird complex side channel of language that only says what it says in the way it can say it. so when us three are hanging and someone plays a song, it’s like we’re saying something to the other two people on this super deep subconcious way that we all understand but can’t talk about with english.
anyway, show tomorrow
9/11/2021
show day was today!
i have to say it definitely went well. we had a great turnout, it was financially worthwhile, and we definitely executed on the performance - which was scary. the day was so fucked for me
i had barely slept at all and was supposed to do yoga in the morning but couldn’t bring myself to do it. i felt so horrible all day.
then after talking to aaron, we decided to really change up our plan for sound which involved tons of phone calls between me and him, and me going to buy $130 worth of cabling last minute. Rushed home and plugged it all in to make sure it all worked and practiced a little, then ran to Graci’s to get my hair done. vid below btw
got back home and aaron came buy to help me label everything with tape and also test run it. we packed it all up and i quickly printed setlists, grabbed merch, etc. a day like that sucks when you’re so tired.
but, adrenaline started kicking in and just kinda took over. watching travollta and smart objects was just mindblowing, i couldn’t believe how much i loved it so much. throwing a show is like a giant party for your friends and yourself in a weird way, i guess it’s almost like a wedding or something.
we cleared all the tech snags during sound check and had no issues, thank christ!!! performances were good though I messed up a bunch. apparently it was good for the crowd tho.
went to mickey’s afterward to drink and talk ‘til 3am. lots and lots of merriment, it honestly felt so good and i felt so bonded to everyone around me.
Weirdest thing is that i drove home to flower slides - satanstompingcaterpillars, sad as fuck. getting all the positivity tugged out and going home alone can be tough. idk.
9/12/2021
blecheghghgh did not sleep enough - which is not surprising. woke up at 9:30.
michael and i always do errands which we did, but got a later start at noon and went until FIVE thirty!! we had lots to do that was new, like check out costco, buy a lawnmower, go to a recycling center, get a bagel, etc…
got so burnt out towards the end there. lack of sleep really depresses you. especially when you’re out and about and the sun’s setting. i never understood why, but it’s true. it just feels like you’re getting ushered away by nature and told to go disappear for a bit.
so, that’s what i did. graci invited me to a little party at her house that night but i hinged it on the success of a nap (which is 100% of the time a fail). but i did nap for 30 mins which was mindbending to me. but obviously sensible. so i did go to graci’s, with michael - for a sec. it was nice
other stuff’s bothering me i can’t talk about.
closed the night by going to see my friend mick do improv comedy with musical instruments. tough to pull off and was a little rough tbh but a cool experiment.
night.