10/4/2021 - 10/10/2021
10/4/21
phew, been stressed today. i have all of that show prep to do before Thursday which is really freaking me out because i have no idea how long it will take, though i anticipate it’ll be several hours. however, today i couldn’t get to any of it because i had to tie up all of the usual “i came home from a long trip” chores which sucked. i really thought i’d get to some of it, but i ended up just caving in and admitting that this all needed to get done. that way, there’d be nothing in my way tomorrow. i think it’s a good mindset.
before i did yoga, i got caught up with myself in shooting a quick vid of me playing that acoustic song kinda eh. but, i uploaded it to instagram as a reel and it got tons of love. motivating. i want to do more vids, god, as soon as i have a moment, that’s what i’m getting up to.
10/5/2021
today was the day! i dug into all of that mainstage stuff i had to get done ahead of thursday, and i got almost ALL of it done!! praise fuckin’ be. all i have to do is the majority of facebook and all of robocall. such a major relief. tomorrow i will definitely finish it off, meaning i’ll be all set.
god, this music room gives me life. seriously. i’ve set up the house so that i’m only in the music room if i’m doing basic printer related stuff, and i think it’s really helped. when i’m in here i’m not stressed and i feel powerful. i had the conscious thought in the kitchen earlier that i’m not necessarily a sad person, but definitely a dreary one, and i haven’t felt very desirable lately. made me wonder if i should write some sort of empowerment anthem for myself. music always holds the answer, right?
also stopped by michaels to talk for 45 mins or so and catch up. so much shit going on. he has a situation going on that makes me feel really inadequate every time we talk about it, but it’s also interesting to talk about and i want to console him. can’t let onto the details, but you know.
also, i completed my halloween costume. you’ll see.
10/6/2021
today i hung out with graci and michael most of the day at a pizze spot/brewery. $3 beers all day, so ridiculous.
i really wish i could talk about the thing that’s a little irksome for me lately, but i really do have to suffer in silence which sucks. i mean, truly this thing is manageable - trust me - it’s not something i’m dying to let out, but it offers a dull annoyance. kinda useless to mention, but maybe you have something like that.
other than that - i finish the mainstage stuff! here’s a screencap so you can see what it looks like at the end of the day. basically cassidy will be able to flip through all the different sounds for each song with each and have them immediately load up.
also…i set up this new page so that you can find all of the songs i’ve been working on all organized and bounced out for you!
of those, you might remember, includes ‘stalker’ which i might call ‘ever since you moved’ down the road. dunno. i learned that on acoustic guitar (which it’s not meant for) and i got the hang of it surprisingly quickly. did an iffy performance of it and put it on instagram. it went eh.
10/7/2021
so, my old roommate and one of my best friends was in a netflix dating show. last year he flew to the UK to film it all, apparently his episode of it was all done in 3 (16 hour) days. i was living with him during all of that and it was quite wild
the show in question is ‘sexy beasts’ which you might have heard of. it’s ridiculous.
anyway, his episode finally came out, and he hosted a watch party for it. so, that’s where i was at tonight. it was really something and v funny.
afterwards i hung out with michael and graci and a newer friend (i guess you could say) named darren down the road. which was really nice. darren has a long of single female friends which is kind of a funny joke in itself. he invited us to his party tomorrow because he needed more dudes there. such a rare problem.
anyway, kinda felt like shit getting back home. dunno why. going to bed
10/8/2021
tonight i went to see bbno$ at the cannery ballroom, which will probably be the last show I see there before it gets shut down. which sucks ass.
i’m playing at one of the other venues in that building on 11/13 - the mercy lounge - so i’m glad to get my kicks before it’s gone. but damn, that was like my fave place on earth and solidified my move to nashville a lot. sad as fuck it’s getting closed down. they say it’ll all get ‘moved’ but i’m pretty skeptical.
anyhow, bbno$ is fine, i didn’t realize he’s basically like a wiggle type host figure for 13 year olds who like to swear. that was an interesting revelation for me. i may truly be super fuckin old, but i feel like i would have felt that way as a 13 year old too.
anyway, hung out with christian after that and he made me a pizza which was very nice. got home way too late.
10/9/2021
mowed my lawn, and then today was all about getting cassidy onboarded for her keys role in this next show. i mentioned it a bit before, but basically i had to create every keyboard sound on a program called mainstage over the last week or so - which i did. today was about getting it all understood by cassidy, loading it onto her computer, and making sure her keyboard and key worked with it alright.
all went super smooth tbh. we also put a drumset in here (partial one). i was aiming to get one before too long, maybe later next year. this is just aaron’s beater kit that we can practice on, but it was also a tentative way to check space for the impending 6 person rehearsal we’re gonna have in here…i think at least one person will have to spill out into the hall, lmao. but we’ll see.
after that, we all went to aaron’s house and ordered indian food. tons of good conversations happened, man. it’s been a while since i’ve dug in like that with a group of people, or at least it’s felt like a while. was really nice. chatted about religion, sex, relationships, entrepreneurship, ‘getting through’ to people, so much.
really hope i sleep hard tn.
10/10/2021
phew….
yesterday i got started and i guess, finished this merch survey which i’m gonna send to you all this week.
i think i might -finally- be getting back to financial security in the coming month or so? this friggin show in november is not helping me get back on track. shows can be so expensive, i don’t typically make money on them, and they wipe out all of time. i like playing them a lot, but i always wonder if it was worth it. i would love to get to a point where it was clearly beneficial to me every time. i suppose growing in general always helps with that, but anyway. i always look back and feel like i was too hasty about shows and too cavalier about how i put them on.
anyhow. aside from that i did my errands with michael and graci for a second.
when i got home, i immediately turned on pet sounds by the beach boys and just cried on my floor.
i have such conflicting emotions about romance and love, if i’ve ever felt it, if it’s important to me, if anyone compels me, what i want or need - i don’t know any of it. but that in itself feels like a trapping. it’s one thing to be lonely, but know what would get you out of it. i’m assuming it’s worse to be lonely, and feel like there’s no certain thing or person that could get you out of it.
a little melodramatic, but how i felt at the time. the survey thing helped me forget about it.
my ex also came over and we did yoga together. after i called her about these feelings for about an hour. that’s a whole thing too (a whole fine thing). anyways, talk tomorrow.