Chapter 6: A Delirious & Terrifying Descent
he’s always been an insomniac, but something felt different about tonight.
maybe it was too late of a night playing tetris, but maybe there was something to his prayer.
sleep was calling him.
one thing that he always found interesting was that notable shift between awake and asleep…if you’re lucky, one can consciously trace it - the run of the mill thoughts running through a pre-sleep brain turn from mundane to esoteric.
i don’t think we can ever talk again
that was such a long game of tetris
ithaca, man, what a place
we hiked that one time, early on
M was there…
a was there…
hiking…ithaca…
m fell…
he got hurt…
i got hurt…
ithaca…
beautiful…
we were pure…she was tantalizing…she was…
she’s here…
his memories started feeling present - they felt like they were whizzing about him, taking a corporeal form. he felt like he was falling. fast. and endlessly.
he falls faster, and the memories get louder, and more angular, and stranger.
he’s falling so fast that it feels unfathomable - his stomach drops. It feels untenable.
Then, he hits the floor.
no pain.
there’s nothing around him but blackness…
…but then, a giant face slowly comes into form above him. he didn’t recognize it, but it felt familiar. it seemed like it was both static and changing constantly. he saw himself and everyone he knew in it. it glowed neon blue and illuminated the space around him.
”it’s time you finally recognized your burdensome ways.”
”what are they?” he asks.
”it is beyond words. you’ve felt it.”
”are you going to help me?” he says, not knowing what else he can possibly probe from this being…
”it depends on how you handle it.”
”…”
”you’ve felt the ways in which you are addicted, obsessive, and perverse. you’ve sensed them. but you don’t know them.
they pilot your mind.
they control your dreams. they leave you ruined.”
”I don’t know what you’re talking about!” he exclaims
”…you will.”
suddenly, the floor opens up beneath him and he starts falling - even faster than before. it’s so fast that it feels like there is friction to the air passing his skin.
more and more people, images, and sounds circle him as he descends. he can’t make sense of a single one, but they all are reminiscent.
the sights grow worse and worse, getting into uncomfortable and disturbing territory.
he feels tortured - he doesn’t believe he will emotionally recover if this keeps up…
…and right before he hits his limit, he hits the ground.